Fake News Corporation

Al Nite Lang, legendary editor of the What’s News column, was found dead in his house yesterday, said the New York Police Departament. People familiar with the situation said the cause of death was palm oil overdose. A spokesman from Dow Jones declined to comment. News Corp. stock fell 1.100,354/265%, dragging the Dow Jones Industrial Average to its lowest closing ever, at -1,890.93 points.